Sunday, January 24, 2010

How To Be A Hipster

I didn't write all of this, found it on /r9k/ and thought it should be shared with the community.

Hipsters live a lifestyle that is purportedly against the mainstream culture and are typically in their teens to late twenties. A hipster can be identified by his/her choices of clothing, music, coffee shop, home decor, and even vocabulary. The tendency is to be steeped in "indie" culture and to dress in a "bohemian" style

1. The key most important thing to being a hipster is having a strong sense of ironic and sarcastic humor. when asked a question, refuse to answer directly, and instead answer with an obvious lie. [for example: (while in a movie theater. something cool just happened onscreen) "oh my god, that was so cool. did you see that?" "no, i paid 8 dollars to come here and stare at the ceiling."] in answering, you can choose whether or not to use a sarcastic tone. but please note that when you don't use a sarcastic tone while saying something sarcastically, the recipient of your sarcasm can mistake your sarcasm for honesty.

2. Knowledge of good music is crucial to becoming a true hipster. If you are into any mainstream music at the current time (ex:Flo Rida, Rihanna, Akon, Britney Spears, Taylor Swift, etc.) throw it all away. Don't even donate it. (you can, however listen to mainstream music with an ironic sense without actually enjoying it. this is much alike to watching crappy old cartoons just to laugh at the crappiness of it.)

3. Now that you know that listening to (and enjoying) mainstream music is the worst thing you can do to yourself as a hipster, you can go on to independent music which is what all real hipsters listen to. The artists and groups are endless. (one good way to decipher whether or not an artist is Hipster, is for you to like them, and for your non-Hipster friends to have never heard of them.) Hipster artists of note include Animal Collective, Grizzly Bear, Belle & Sebastian, Jens Lekman, Neutral Milk Hotel, Klaxons, Cut Copy, Neon Neon, Margot & The Nuclear So and Sos, and King Khan and the Shrines. Music blogs like Gorilla vs. Bear, and Stereogum may help you with this. Meeting people who are already into these bands will help you as well. Perhaps the most popular hipster music website is pitchforkmedia.com. If they give an album a good rating, it must be quite hip.

4. Namedrop often. Talk about all the obscure bands you like that nobody you know has heard of. When your friends talk about a band you're unfamiliar with, just say you've heard of them but not actually heard them. Look them up the next time you have a chance to. It'll give you more cred.

5. Insult a lot of bands. If you love everything you'll seem like a fanatic. Make sure to give off a vibe that you are too cool and elite for a lot of bands.

6. Remember to use perhaps the most important hipster line: "I liked them before they were cool."

7. In addition, if you would like to seem more educated and elite there is the key phrase " I liked their first Ep, but pretty much after that i never got into them."

8. Fashion is just about as important as your music taste is. Generally, people assume hipsters to shop in thrift stores in attempt to looking vintage. This is really not the case to being a true hipster. The classic "Skinny Jean" is essential to looking hip. Hipsters love ironic eyewear such as shuttershades, oversized plastic framed glasses, Buddy Holly glasses, nerd glasses, and for the ones who can afford it authentic Ray Ban Wayfarers of all the colors of the rainbow. Some of the hipsters wear eyeglasses even though they have 20/20 vision! Guy hipsters actually probably wear skinny jeans more than the girls. Basically, the tighter, the better. Now tops aren't as big of an ordeal as pants are. Ironic tees, plaid shirts, berets, large flower headbands, neon nail polish, bird necklaces, gingham, plaid, checkered, vintage floral cardigan sweaters, fit hoodies, patterned and colorful leggings are all part of the hipster phenomena, especially when they layer/wear them all together without matching exactly. But make sure your pants are tight. Urban Outfitters,H&M and American Apparel are good places to start. ASOS also has many hip pieces. For inspiration check out Lookbook [www.lookbook.nu] or CobraSnake.

9. Food. All you really need to know about this is that eating meat isn't exactly popular with the hipster culture. Fruit, coffee, oriental food, etc are all hip foods. Technically, they are all a bunch of foodies and love making gourmet meals. You can't really go wrong with lunch from Whole Foods. Many hipsters tend to be vegetarian or vegan.

10. It takes a brave hipster to start dancing. In fact, if you want to spot a hipster, just turn around the next time you are at a show and see them standing in the back discussing Stella or PBR in a can. Sometimes, if the music and setting is right, you will witness Hipsters engaging in dance movements. Hipster dancing, if done right, does not use so much of the hips as it does the upper body and arms. Lots of swinging your head back and forth. Remember to only do this if you are not humiliated easy. Although you will rarely see hipsters dancing at shows, they tend to enjoy separate dance parties where they can dance to an array of more upbeat hipster dance music

11. Female hipsters love to use Tumblr, Blogspot or Wordpress taking photos with their Holga cameras of cross-processed and "dreamy-like" pictures of themselves in a field, by the ocean, in forests, in their hipster rooms. Usually it is to express their desire for beautiful and soft vintage things that is reflected in their photography. A lot of them have pictures of their feet for some odd reason. If you know of a hipster girl that knows the terms "re-blog" or "follow me on blogspot" then that's definitely one of the indicators of a female hipster.

12. Denial. Hipsters will never call themselves hipsters. On the contrary, they tend to deny their "hipster-ness" at each possible turn. In addition, they will make a point of chastising other people for being hipsters. Denial is one of the most important roles of a hipster.

This is pertty truthful. But at the same time being a Hipster is pretty dense.

Sunday, January 17, 2010

Story about a whore

HER NAME IS CRYSTAL
BILL MASERTON(mid 20's) is a simple lonely man working as a welder in Long Beach California decides to pick up a pretty little prostitute one night. This is Bill's first sexual experience, he is a bit nervous and confused by it all. So he picks up CRYSTAL, the first thing he does is asks her name. Which throws her off because a question like that has never been asked. So Bill takes Crystal to his house, again Crystal is confused by the nature of all of it but she goes along with it. Bill is awkward about the whole thing, after sex he asks her if she needs a ride home. Again a stupid question to ask a prostitute. But as it turns out Crystal lives in a motel. Bill finds this absurd and offers to share his house with her. Crystal is grateful but she finds it too risky.The next day Bill goes to work. He discusses what he did last night to his only friend DAVIE. Davie knows the girl, apparently she is only 17. Bill stops in his tracks. He had sex with someone underaged in a city with some of the harshest sex offender laws out there. Bill immediately feels guilty, but then he thinks about it. He kind of wants to save this girl, he doesn't think it's right that shes doing this.After work Bill scouts down Crystal. He finds her roaming the beach looking for work. Bill manages to get her into his car by offering to have sex with her. He lectures her and finds out that she is only doing this for school. Bill finds this absolutely absurd. He takes her home, and offers her his spare room. Crystal accepts, saying that she's never been treated this way. And despite it being odd, she needs a place to stay.Bill thinks this girl could do more with her life. So he starts looking for a job for her while shes out on the streets. While doing so he meets her pimp, MCPHERSON, the biggest baddest pimp in all of Los Angeles County. Crystal told McPherson that she moved into some guys house. And he wanted to make sure Bill isn't some psycho who would try and kill her in the future. In bills state of nervousness, he proclaims that he is her uncle and he is going to make sure she has someone where to live from now on. McPherson falls for it, but if anything goes down then McPherson is going to have to slap a bitch and kill a Welder.That night is game night, Bill invites Davie over and they play Monopoly together. Crystal comes home after getting abused, in tears she runs to her room and proclaims that she was nearly beaten before McPherson intervened. Bill shows sympathy for her and once again reminds her that she is got to get out of the business. Crystal proclaims the fact that she knows she needs to get out. But she can't until she gets enough money for school. Bill understands to a degree, and to cheer her up she is invited to the game of Monopoly. As it turns out Crystal is pretty smart and charming. And Bill is sort of attracted to her.The next day Bill starts to spread the word about Crystal to his co-workers. Once again we find that he is pretty awkward and nobody really enjoys his company because of that. But he gets Crystal some customers, and she goes to town. She starts doing it at his house, which makes things awkward since Bill is starting to grow to enjoy her company. Meanwhile McPherson starts to grow concern. Her numbers have grown, but he thinks that Bill is going to try and take her away from him. And Crystal has the potential to be a bottom bitch(One who gets the more expensive cliental.) He also has plans for expanding into the escort business and into the call service. Crystal would excel at both.One day Bill invites her to do some normal people stuff. They go clothes shopping. They check out schools. As it turns out she wants to be a veterinarian. And with the prostitution gig she has managed to save up enough for 2 years of tuition. And she was home schooled and graduated when she was 15. But she didn't like her mom at all and always wanted to explore her sexuality, especially after being sheltered most of her life. So she met McPherson at a party, and one thing led to another. Bill begins to grow more and more attracted to her, since his story is sort of similiar. He was a really stupid kid through school. His father stopped talking to him at a young age because he didn't want to become a football player, and to his father football was everything. And his mother died early in his life. Bill never had very many friends, except for Davie. And he never had a girl in his life. While shopping Bill holds her hand, Crystal gets butterflies, and gets sort of nervous and sways away from the idea. The next night she leaves Bill in the night. She goes to work on the street. Bill wakes up to find that she has gone. He goes looking around to find out she isn't working the streets anymore. Bill decides to give up. He goes home for game night with Davie. He isn't happy, and Davie is kind of disappointed about him falling for a 17 year old prostitute. Bill doesn't care about her age, it was irrelevant. He just wants her to be safe.The next day Davie comes to bill with an add he found at a porn shop for an Escort service. Crystals name is on it. Bill schedules an appointment, and heads off to get ready. He tidies himself off, gives himself a shave. And gets a tuxedo. He buys a new(ish) car to impress her. He shows up to pick Crystal, and she says she can't be around him. She needs to continue working if she ever wants to go to school. Bill says he has the money, and he can do it. Then she brings up McPherson who doesn't want his most prized woman leaving the business. Bill gets an idea. He marches up to McPherson's pad and proclaims his love for that 17 year old prostitute. McPherson laughs in his face, nobody should fall in love with a prostitute, there soulless woman used for pleasuring men. Crystal hears this, she has heard it before. But this time, it has affected her, probably because Bill thinks otherwise of her. Crystal leaves the game herself, McPherson threatens her but Bill steps in and knocks him out. McPherson's men surround Bill. But Bill's noble action to hit McPherson changes his mind. McPherson proclaims that any man who's willing to love a Prostitute should do it anyway. He will find a new bitch, one that isn't of legal age. While Bill and Crystal leave she tells her that she is 18 in two weeks. They both smile and share there first one screen kiss.Two weeks later Davie, Crystal, Bill, and Crystals mother are having supper at a fancy restaurant. Crystal will be attending school soon, and she breaks down her relationship to her mom. Despite it all being rather crude and over the top she understands. And she is just happy that her daughter is making something of herself. Bill however, is just happy to have someone to call his own. And Davie brings out the monopoly later that night.

4chan inspiried this idea.

So i was just reading this post of 4chan about this guy who met a 17 year old prostitute and offered his couche for her so she could sleep somewhere besides the streets. And with this idea i found a premise for an amazing comedy idea. First off there is an episode of King Of The Hill which revolves around Hank defending a prostitute who lives at his house for a unmentioned sum of money. but jesus. The comedic amount is bursting out of this idea like some kind of ...bursting idea!

I'm gonna think about it. i know the setup from that thread. and all the conflict is there. The structure. The arch. The theme. it is all there. Why hasn;t a movie been made from this subject matter yet? Like a Seth Rogen actor vehicle or some shit. Damnit. Once I slightly sober Up ill see what I can do.

Friday, January 15, 2010

Movies of the decade

I'm being cool and making my top twenty list. Sure, this might be the most biase list ever made. But this is a list I have put together, and I'm god damn proud of its potential!

20.The Wrestler-Mickey Rourke is by far an extrordinary character.. I'm actually quite angered that he got robbed for best actor for it. The story itself is also pretty neat, I've never seen the world of wrestling. And thats what a movie should do. Introduce you to a world you are unfamiliar with.

19.Requiem for a dream- Depressing as hell, well acted. Jared Leto is greaaat. And the storylines are all enjoyable in there own way. The only thing i disliked is the fact that the ending is so bleak that we don't really learn anything that we don't already know. But props to the writer and Aronofsky for making characters that we enjoyed at the begining. Even if they are drug addicts.

18.Dawn Of The Dead-I first seen the movie on pay per view at 1 a.m while i was home alone. After viewing(and not haven't watched a zombie movie before.) I was changed. I couldn't sleep, i kept thinking someone was gonna bust through my door and nibble on me. So I looked out the picture window at the cold empty street, for 3 hours before I passed out. Only a handful of movies can have that type of affect on people.

17.The Departed-Jack nicholson is fucking crazy. i love it. As for the random deaths, not really feeling all of it. It had so much potential, but I guess they did what they did. and the end result is good. The only thing that stuck with me was when Jack's character was talking to the two hookers..

16.Cloverfield-Yall can hate and debate but the movie is one of my favorites. I personally enjoy the fact that it was done with the shakey cam effect. It made me feel like I was in the situition personally. I often imagine I am stuck in a city with a giant (baby) monster and I'm looking for a place to hide, or for someone who I think would be in distress.

15.Wall-e I remember watching this with Jenise at her house on one of our movie days. I find this movie oh so touching, and oh so realistic to what will probably happen in the future. I gotta buy this movie damnit.

14.Finding Nemo-Fishes are funny. And heroic. And colorful. I watched this movie so many times I don't even have anything to say about it anymore. But it always brings a smile to my face.

13.Snatch- Guy ritchies best film. And one of my favorite comedy's. So many memorable moments and characters. I lvoe the fact that it all started because someone wanted a new Caravan. sometimes when i get drunk I like to talk like a pikey.

12.King Kong-The might king of the jungle. Made to fuck up T-Rex's and climb up skyscrapers. I think I like this movie so much jsut because of the amazing action set pieces. and Jack Black does a pretty good serious actor role in it.

11.Ratauille-A lovely movie. Something that I was pleasantly suprised by. I don't really have anything to add. Unfortunatly I've only seen it once.:(

10.City Of God-When I first seen it, I didn't expect very much. But everything about it was amazing. The characters, the way they intertwined, the fact that the movie is more about the actual city then about the people involved in the plot.(Think about it.)

9.Black Hawk Down- The only war movie that made me think about the harshness of war. It all looked and felt real. And at some point it was real. And the two snipers who went to protect the second chopper that went down were god damn heros.

8.The Dark Knight-This is what happens when an immovable object meets an unstoppable force. I seen it twice in theaters. And several times on dvd and on the movie channels. Still that line never gets old. Along with everything else Heath ledger/Joke says.

7.V for Vendetta-I will always remember the 5th of November. The gunpower the treason the plot. I bought this movie, the day it came out. I will watch it every 5th of November until I see that its theme becomes irrelevant...

6.District 9-Fooking fook, what a good fooking movie. Since its release I've seen it 5-6 times. Each time I grow more and more attached. I'm glad that vfs made it too. Gives a nice glimmer of hope for the young minds in this school.

5.Crash- I didn't expect it to be anything amazing when I first bought it for 5$ at a CDPLUS. But oh man, racism at its finest. Racist people become good hearted samaritines(sp?) and people who weren't racist conform to there inner demon. and somebody hits a chinamen.

4.Cowboy Bebop the movie-It is my favorite animated feature for two reasons. You have a god like antagonists, and a uber badass protagonist. And it is jsut so amazing how these two characters reflect each other in so many ways. I recommend it to anyone who is interested in sci fi, anime, or great story telling.

3.Pans Labyrinth-Fairy tales with sad endings are my favorite kind. And I must say, they built up one of the finest antagonists around. This movie will be one of those rare gems that will be remembered until the next coming of christ.

2.Return of the king-Epic movie making, everyone already knows why this movie is here... So yea, I loved it. First movie I seen by myself in the theaters. i will always remember it.

1.No Country For Old Men- I called it, I've been calling it all my life. No country is a movie which at first I didn't completely understand. It took several viewings, each one I'd enjoy it even more. The main reason it is on the top of the list is because the characters are so influental to my own writing. And the setting, and the dialogue, and cinematography.

Friday, January 1, 2010

Pineapples

Haven't dropped by the ol blog in awhile, despite the fact that I've been on my computer for most of my vacation. So here is an update on life and general stuff-

I've been in saskatoon since the 15th and I leave on the 5th. It has been a pretty nice vacation. I've been resting and relaxing, playing lots of WoW, eating delicious home cooked meals, and watching plenty of TV and Film. Which has inspired me to go further with The Getaway Driver. I'm at page 38 and I know where I'm going and it's lots of fun. I bought a bunch of movies for dirt cheap on boxing day, and got 3 xbox games for christmas. I bought Yes man, Wizard of Oz, Unforgiven, The Dark Knight, and Rock n Rolla. I seen dozens of others during my stay but I watched Zombieland in the cheap theatre and I enjoyed it alot more the second time around. Same with District 9.

I'm also pretty psyched to go back, the upcoming year will be a busy one for sure. I will hopefully be getting my own place with Alex in Surrey. Then I have 2 graduations to go to. And I have to move all my shit from G.P to Vancouver. And then I really wanna go back to regina for a week to hang out with family. Then my dad might come visit vancouver in the summer, same with my mom. And hopefully I can convince my mom and Walter to let me use there truck to move my shit down there along with Alexs crap.

But back to what I need to do once I get back to vancouver, first step is to go shopping and buy actual food. Then steal a tap and pull off my scam so I can get paint and get back into the graffiti business. Then I must get a job and make some money. Luckily the next term I'm well prepared for with my feature ideas and my other various classes which I all have ideas for. Cant wait to do Urban night golf as a web series. I also want to start biking more once I get back. Even if it does rain or snow I wanna be out biking atleast once a week. i wanna see more of the city.

I'll update this tommorow to recap my life over the last decade as vividly as possible.